Schlock and awe

It was the French who dubbed America l’hyperpuissance – the hyperpower. But now the hyperpower is the hippiepower – and who doesn’t love that? Following his rendition of “You’ve Got A Friend”, James Taylor saluted the visiting mullahs from Qom with the Ayatollah Khomeini’s favorite song, “How Sweet It Is (to be loved by ewes)”.

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Barack Obama then joined John Kerry on stage for a moving duet of “I’m So Vain (I prob’ly think this song is about me)”, after which Secretary Kerry updated us on the latest talks with Teheran with a highly nuanced version of Joni Mitchell’s “(I’ve looked at Iranian mushroom clouds from) Both Sides Now”.

His lovely wife Teresa then delighted the French audience with a riveting selection of slides of the Kerrys’ home in Boston as she and John sang Crosby, Stills and Nash’s “Our House (is a very very very fine house).” Mahmoud Abbas got into the spirit and serenaded the Secretary of State with the Beatles’ “Hey, Jew!”, but Mr Kerry explained that was just one great-grandfather and it was a long time ago back in the Hapsburg Empire.

Asked about excitable young men who talk about avenging the Prophet and open fire while yelling “Allahu Akbar!”, Secretary Kerry responded that he and President Hollande had disagreed on whether to call them “radical extremists” or “extremist radicals” before compromising with a performance of “A Force With No Name”. Two decapitated heads that had been through the desert with Islamic terrori …I mean, a force with no name then entertained the crowd with a Cat Stevens medley of “The First Cut Is The Deepest” and “Another Saturday Night (and I ain’t got no body)”.

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