“He should have nuked the internet.”
When Trump was suspended from “Twitter” in 2021, I used to fantasize to my staff: “Imagine Trump said to himself, ‘I can’t be on Twitter? Then no one can,’ and on his way out, he cracked off some nukes over key server farms and fried the internet.”
Obviously it’s not that easy, if you consider launching nukes easy (at least a significant portion of the brain worms electorate did think Trump would eventually start launching nukes). Frying the internet is basically impossible. It’s way too globally distributed.
(Now hitting a handful of high voltage transformer sites could in fact lead to a regional loss of electricity that spans months, even years, but I digress. The Pentagon already knows this … )
The story continues: People eventually emerge from their internetless homes bleary-eyed, disheveled. UberEatless, Amazonless, forced out into the real world. Neuroticism craters. So does mental illness, especially among women. No more social media. No more iPads. No more scrolling, looping, or swiping. Church services explode. Little League teams each have three dad coaches. Sidewalk chalk can’t be produced fast enough to meet the demand of little girls. Little boys start retardmaxxing again, building traps in the woods, climbing trees, scrambling to move homemade bike jumps from the center of the street as cars approach. Shouts of “game on!” heard deep into the evening, right before cell phoneless moms open doors yet again to call out, “DINNERRR!”
I know what you’re thinking: Geoff, what the hell does this have to do with data centers.
I’m getting to it. Patience, young padawan.
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