~So in the end two-and-a-half years of Pierre Poilievre micro-gatekeeping the Tory party so as not to frighten the horses counted for less in Canadian politics than two-and-a-half hours of Tony Blair having dinner at Lady Rogers' agreeable Michelin-starred River Café in West London. Not a bad Dover sole, should Sir Tony ever invite you to join him so he can pitch you a stint as prime minister of New Zealand or the Netherlands.

As to M Poilievre's micro-gatekeeping, here is a fine example of that from close to home: Two years ago the alleged "conservative" leader called the views of a Mark Steyn Show guest "vile" and forced three of his backbenchers to apologise for lunching with her. Yes, I know there's a lot of lunching and dining in this column and, if you're stuck in the drive-thru lane at Wendy's, it might already be getting to you. But that's the point: the globalists handle even the restaurant bookings better than the faux-conservatives do.

Poilievre's target that day was Christine Anderson, whom he called "racist" and "hateful". As it happens, Frau Anderson is an elected representative of the people - unlike Pierre, at the time of writing - and her party, the AfD, is currently leading in the German polls - also unlike Pierre. I rose gallantly to defend my guest's honour and, disinclined to forego the low-hanging fruit, mocked the Tory leader as "Pierre Pussievre". Then he munched an apple (more dining, albeit lower budget than Blair) and became an Internet sensation. After that he sat on his Granny Smith and was content to leave it to Justin's Pride Parade socks as they began their remorseless descent down his ankles.

Tony Blair had a better idea. That night at the River Café in Hammersmith his dinner companion was Mark Carney. Everyone's favourite Knight of the Garter suggested to everyone's favourite central banker that it was time for Carney to become Prime Minister of Canada. After Sir Tony had pulled out a map to remind him where it was, Mr Carney protested that he'd just moved his business interests to Bermuda and the Isle of Man. If you're wondering why a chap who has dedicated his life to "public service" is in need of tax havens, well, why not get a thirty-grand-a-year job as a bigshot newspaper reporter and ask him at the next press conference?