Almost exactly 40 years ago, a young man I had known my entire life was killed in a drunk driving accident. I remember the day it happened in 1985. The Irish Catholic community in the Washington I knew went into shock. The young man—I’ll call him Chris—had not only been a part of our Catholic community, but a beloved member of a subgroup of about 40 of us called “the Irish Group.” We were parents and kids who lived near each other and had grown up together. Every couple of years or so, we would organize a trip to Ireland. We loved seeing where we had come from.

One of the things I remember about the death of Chris and his funeral was how little talk there was of Heaven or of Chris now being in the arms of the Lord. Yes, we all believed those things, and still do. Still, there was an unmistakable sense of the reality and horror of Chris’s death. I still remember a night when two other high school friends who had known Chris sat up with me on the top of one of our apartment roofs, drinking beer and quietly thinking, crying, and talking about our memories of him. I remember that in the background one of my favorite songs, Steve Winwood’s “Night Train,” was playing:

Out of the night burning with light
Train shining black, I won’t look back, life is running
Hoping someday someone will say
“I got it made, pull up the shade, let the sun in”
Down on the night train, I feel the starlight steal away
Used up a lifetime looking for the break of day

Recently I was reminded Chris’s death and began thinking of it in light of the death of Pope Francis. The viewing and long mourning period, a time when even the faithful don’t talk about the Holy Father being in Heaven, are a reminder of what is so powerful about Catholicism. Contrary to the slap-happy preachers on TV who insist that the Lord is responsible for everything from your dog dying to post-nasal drip and how we are all shooting straight toward Heaven, and the secular culture that often refuses to take the spiritual stakes of this life seriously, Catholicism is realistic about what our lives mean and the meaning of our ultimate hope of Heaven. It grapples with tragedy instead of refusing to see it or brushing it off.