"Please, don't — please — do not despair — I'm speaking!" Harris shouted above the celebratory crowd in a speech broadcast to tens of millions of elated Americans. "We are sad today. And sad is not happy. Sad is, in fact, the opposite of happy. And happy is what we wish we were right now. Happy is good. And the opposite of good is bad, which rhymes with sad, which is what we are here in this current time."

Members of the ecstatic crowd were unsure what the vice president had said. "What?" one partying American citizen in the crowd said. "Did that lady say something? I couldn't hear her over all of the cheering, clapping, fireworks, and celebration going on since the race was called for Trump. She looks like she's really sad, whoever she is. That's a shame, it's such a great day. I can't think of any day in the last four years that was this great. Did she hear that Trump won?"