There is an old saying in the journalism business that goes, "if it bleeds, it leads," which means that once violence occurs a story gets much hotter. We can now add "if it mews, it is news," to the list of Fourth Estate expressions.

I should tell you right at the top here that I am not going to solve the Mystery Of The Missing Pets. Frankly, at this point Sherlock Holmes and Hercule Poirot could team up and the details would still be dicey. And anyway, it is not really the point.

Whatever the scale of the threat to our furry friends is, this salacious story has rightfully focused the nation’s eyes on Springfield’s otherwise ignored migrant and economic woes wrought by Joe Biden and Kamala Harris.

"When I was young, there was a bar on every corner, we’d hear music at one place, another would be a disco," Teri, a lifetime resident in her 60s who works at the only hotel in downtown Springfield told me. "Today, it’s completely different."