In a shocking development amid the uproar over whether congressional Republicans will seek to oust yet another Speaker of the House, current leader Mike Johnson unzipped a skinsuit to reveal he was Kevin McCarthy all along.

"Ha ha ha! Daddy's home, suckers!" McCarthy laughed at dumfounded reporters and congressional colleagues. "You thought you got rid of me? Wrong! I've been here all along, right under your noses! That's why you've been so disappointed with Mike Johnson's leadership — because it was ME! It was me all along! BWA HA HA HA HA!"

As an investigation into the whereabouts of the real, conservative-minded Rep. Mike Johnson began, McCarthy vowed to continue his reign with business as usual. "Now that I'm free of the facade of Mike Johnson, we can get back to work," he said. "Who can write up a quick appropriations bill to send another $50 billion to Ukraine? Let's get that to the floor as soon as possible!"