"It's inspiring to see," Kerry said in a statement from his Martha's Vineyard estate. "Not only are these fellows reducing the overcrowdedness of the world's human population, but they've also developed a sustainable food source that will lessen their dependence on livestock and farmed animals. I applaud them. They appear to be a group of fine young cannibals."

Haiti has continued its descent into total societal collapse, with the nation's Prime Minister Ariel Henry resigning and running control of the country over to warring gangs, but Kerry sees a silver lining. "It's wonderful to see people rising up to take power," he said. "I look forward to the United States building a relationship with the Haitian cannibals as we seek solutions to the serious climate issues facing mankind."