PETA claims that Phil’s treatment is wrong because he is “denied the opportunity to prepare for and enter yearly hibernation” and that his handling could “also trigger stress-induced disorder.”

You know what else Phil is “denied?” The opportunity to become roadkill or be blown to smithereens by the hillbillies of the Pennsylvania Wilds who view groundhogs as extremely destructive vermin.

Cockburn has been to Gobbler’s Knob and partaken of Groundhog Day festivities, and let him assure you: not only is Phil not maltreated (does this thing look like it’s capable of being “stressed?”), he is worshipped by the Druid-like people who wear groundhog hats, groundhog sweatshirts, groundhog jewelry and full-blown groundhog costumes. The Punxsutawney Area High School, home of the Chucks (as in “woodchucks”) crowns a Groundhog King and Queen every year.

[Imagine being trapped in a “Groundhog Day” loop with PETA. This seems like an even more desperate than usual bid for attention. Have celebrities stopped posing nude for them recently? — Ed]