It’s almost Christmas, and, like most of us, you are probably behind on buying gifts for loved ones, co-workers, and others close to you. Skip the stores and the crowds this season, and choose from our satirical selection of the very best Christmas gifts for 2023.

Black Lives Matter Gift Set: Discontinued and nearly forgotten; receipt needed for returns because they keep getting lifted from Rite-Aid. Also sold under the brand name “Confederate Statues You’ve Never Heard Of, But Are Now Freaked Out Over.” Deluxe white guilt edition available for ten times the price.

Gaza Ant Farm: Watch these industrious Gazan ants dig tunnels and smuggle sand particles in and out for hours and hours of fun! Then destroy the tunnels, feed the ants, or both!

Joe Biden White House Playset: Joe doll comes with Dribble Action™ speech module. Connect him to the Jill doll (sold separately) to see him walk, maintain inflation, enter proxy wars, and be bewildered about declining poll numbers.