Terrorists moronically attempted to enter the United States through its northern border today instead of simply strolling across the wide-open southern border.

“Those have to be the dumbest terrorists in the history of terrorists,” said Department of Homeland Security head Alexander Mayorkas. “We literally have a thousand miles of border available for terrorists to cross as they please. I’ve done everything but put up a sign saying ‘Terrorists this way, please’. How stupid can you be?”

According to sources, the terrorists were also not too bright in the bomb-detonation department. “Really a swing and a miss there, terrorists,” said FBI Director Christopher Wray. “What kind of dunce tries to cross the Canadian border, then ignites themselves on the bridge? It’s really a bit embarrassing to the terrorist community.”