3. Show off a cool gun you’re packing: They will freak out even though this is only one of the guns you are packing. The others aren’t as cool, sadly.

4. Ask them where they are going to church immediately after meeting them for the first time: It’s normal to do that where you’re from, but this question is basically kryptonite to a Californian.

5. Invite them to your church this Sunday: (Same as above)

[Hey now! As a native Californian, I … endorse this message. After moving to Texas, I mainly skipped over the California part of our heritage and just told people we moved from Minnesota. — Ed]