“Global day of what now?” asked native Texan Barry Windham as he wiped his freshly oiled AR-15 with a rag. “Not sure I’m familiar with that term. Out here, we don’t really listen to all the stuff going on everywhere else. We’ll let everyone else get all wrapped up in that. Anyway…you ever see what happens to a cantaloupe when you hit it dead-on from about 10 yards away?”

Citizens throughout Texas towns were seen calmly going about their normal business, enjoying the early fall sun, and showing absolutely no worry about the threat of radical Islamic terrorists striking at any moment. “Oh, I think they know better than that,” said Stan Hansen with a smile as he loaded his 12-gauge shotgun with buckshot shells.

[Usually the Bee is only barely satire. I don’t think this even falls under that category, as a Texan. You won’t believe what happened to that canteloupe, either. — Ed]