After decades of enjoying its status as the “religion of peace,” religious experts weighing recent events in Israel announced that Islam has been officially downgraded to the “religion of mostly peace.”

“We really hate to do this, but we have to admit that slaughtering innocent women and children is a bit much,” said Dr. Amar Muhammad Muhammad, Professor of Religion at Cambridge. “Fortunately, ‘mostly peace’ is still a pretty good rating — a far cry from our ‘religion of not that much peace at all’ we gave the Christians and the ‘holy crap these people are extremely dangerous’ rating we gave the Mennonites.”