“They must comply! Deplorables! All of ‘em!” the disheveled geriatric growled at the camera while CNN’s Christiane Amanpour attempted to de-escalate the situation. “If they don’t fall in line, we’ll round them up and re-educate them! De-program them! Re-program them! If that doesn’t work, then we’ll just disappear them! Yes! Yeeeeeeessssssss! Ahahahahahahaha!”

The CNN interview team did their best to remain calm, despite the obvious threat posed by the tottering, decrepit woman. “She may be old and frail, but you can tell she’s serious,” said one member of the television crew. “We heard she escaped from a nursing home nearby, but you could tell she’s terrorized people in the past. Chilling, dangerous stuff. Or maybe she’s just completely insane, who knows.”

[Only barely satire, as always. I was working on a gag version of Hello Mother Hello Father in ‘honor’ of Clinton’s deprogramming camps. I lost interest after a couple of verses, but feel free to add on. — Ed]

Hello mother, hello father
Here I am at Camp Clintonada
Re-education’s entertaining
And it’s fun to deconstruct mansplaining

I went hiking with Randi Weingarten
Who has a trans plan for kindergarten
You remember John Forbes Kerry
His private-jet carbon offset bill’s quite scary