Nation votes to vacate all 535 seats in Congress

After discovering that vacating Congressional positions is an actual option, Americans have overwhelmingly voted to vacate all 535 seats of Congress.

“It’s a good start,” said Virginian Tom Rowland. “We should have done this a long, long time ago.”

After the position of House Speaker was simply vacated without any plan for a replacement, a struggling nation realized the American Dream was suddenly back within its grasp. “I always thought if we removed one lizard person, we were stuck replacing them with another one. What was even the point?” said Georgia woman Karen Livingston. “But–to rid ourselves of all of Congress, and simply not replace them? I had no idea this was possible. It brings tears to my eyes…America might just have a chance after all.”