“Hey friends, you see any of them dangerous MAGA around?” a special agent later identified as David Friedkin reportedly asked while attempting to shield his face from the blaze. “It is imperative that we find them before they do something dangerous like calmly walk inside a federal building or vote for the wrong presidential candidate.”

Witnesses claim one of the Antifa rioters was kind enough to stop throwing Molotov cocktails so he could answer. “Well golly gee wiz, mister! No MAGA types here, but that sure does sound dangerous!”

[Only. Barely. Satire. — Ed]