But plenty of things about the process of getting married have remained stubbornly unchanged. Men still buy women expensive engagement rings, even when a couple already shares expenses. American women married to men continue to take their husband’s last names, at a rate of 80:20. After a lull during the pandemic, the wedding industry is back in the black or, um, white. And the overwhelming number of proposals are still made by men.

Data on how many women propose is not robust. But Michele Velazquez, who helps plan proposals with her company The Heart Bandits, says she has seen no increase in the number of women proposing in the 13 years she has been in business. She estimates that only three women from heterosexual couples contact her per year.

The latest figures from the U.S. Census Bureau say that there are only 90 unmarried men for every 100 unmarried women. More women than ever are earning money of their own and thus less reliant on men for financial stability. And most women are already living with the men they are going to marry before any proposal is plotted. These market conditions—an undersupply of men, an ability to provide, and the willing presence of a local candidate—would seem to clear the way for women to do the asking. Yet they don’t.

[Well, not yet, anyway, but market dynamics might change that. We have plenty of anecdotal evidence and some significant data that women have become very particular about men as they themselves have gained economic and educational advantages. More women pursue fewer men, a reversal of previous dynamics to some extent. If that continues, women who find a suitable mate may have to act quickly to seal the deal. But that may make men feel even more emasculated than they are already feeling, and … well, it will be interesting to watch in a traffic-wreck sort of way. — Ed]