Now entering its third encounter with Whoopi Goldberg, the COVID virus has begun desperately searching for a vaccine against the talk show host.

“I’m begging,” said SARS-CoV-2. “I don’t care if the vaccine makes me grow an extra spike protein. I can’t do this any more.”

According to sources, the COVID virus initially brushed off talk of vaccination against Ms. Goldberg, not believing her to be a genuine hazard to a young, healthy virus. “I admit, I didn’t take Whoopi infections seriously,” said the COVID virus. “I thought she was only dangerous to the weak and vulnerable. I have discovered, to my own horror, that Whoopi can cause immense suffering to anyone she comes in contact with. After three bouts with her, I will do anything – ANYTHING – to make it stop.”