Leader of failed rebellion passes away from fatal ingestion of surface-to-air missile

“It deeply saddens me to hear of Prigozhin’s untimely death,” said Russian President Vladimir Putin, “Still, it was very foolish of him to ingest an entire surface-to-air missile like that.”

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When pressed whether the Wagner leader’s death was the result of foul play, Putin responded that there was no indication of foul play and also he happened to have Prizgozhin’s suicide note in his pocket.

[Yeah, I’m not sure this is satire, really. — Ed]

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