fter watching her grandfather gnaw on a baby on live television, four-year-old Navy Roberts was reportedly relieved that President Biden had disowned her.

“I didn’t know Grandpa ate babies,” said Navy. “I thought it would have been cool to meet my Grandpa and visit the White House — but, um, I think I’ll stay here with my mom.”

According to sources, Navy occasionally likes to watch the news to see the Grandpa she has never met. “I was sad when I saw Grandpa put up a stocking at Christmas for the dog, but not for me,” said Navy. “Then, I saw him lick that little girl like she was a strawberry ice-cream cone. She looked so scared! I’m not sad anymore.”