In response to widespread public outcry following the indictment of former President Donald Trump, Joe Biden has ordered the military to shoot anyone who dares to refer to the United States as a “banana republic.”

“Listen up, folks. The United States is not a banana republic. Got it?” Biden said sternly in brief remarks to members of the media at the White House. “That’s just a bunch of malarky and anyone who tries to say it will be dragged into the street and executed. I don’t even like bananas. Greetenbarzarfit!”

The Biden administration has been accused of totalitarianism and weaponization of the Department of Justice against political opponents and dissidents, largely due to him implementing totalitarianism and weaponizing the Department of Justice against political opponents and dissidents.