Anheuser-Busch, the company that makes Bud Light, has suffered weeks of stagnant sales following a simple marketing campaign celebrating breathtaking female woman Dylan Mulvaney, who is totally a woman. In response, Bud Light has worked tirelessly to revive its brand and appeal to loyal customers by adding mullets to every can.

“These mullets prove just how well we know our customers,” said Bud Light Marketing Director Stacey Mulberry-Saffron while explaining the strategic value of focus groups and social media surveys. “We’re confident customers will return in droves for this refreshing can of business-in-the-front-and-party-in-the-back.”

[Obviously satire — but it would also have been a better decision to go with mullets than Mulvaney. — Ed]