Unemployed guy crushes Fox News in ratings

The historic leader in primetime cable ratings Fox News was dominated last night by an unemployed man filming a selfie video in his partially-finished basement.

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“This guy chatting for a few minutes in his underwear and a blazer just completely blew Fox News out of the water,” said Nielsen executive Roger Millican. “It was a ratings bloodbath.”

The unemployed man reportedly posted the basement selfie video on Twitter around 7 p.m., and by 7:02 p.m. had gained more viewers than the entire Fox News primetime lineup. “We got demolished,” said a Fox News producer, on condition of anonymity. “Our viewers abandoned us in droves to watch a video labeled ‘Good evening’, which was just this dude jawing in his basement. We’re in trouble.”

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