Dear Jane,

I have had an on-and-off girlfriend for a little over two years. I love her tremendously, and she is beautiful. We get along great and have a really great relationship but we are missing a spark – more me I think – and we rarely have sex.

For me that’s the one thing I want to fix and we have tried working on it. Whenever I try to talk to her about things I would like she seems to take it as a personal attack, which it is not. I’m just trying to tell her what it is that I want.

Unfortunately I don’t know exactly what I want, and I think that part of the sexual energy is the allure of not knowing, of what might happen.