Get ready to hear all sorts of Castrobabble from Elián González. The boy kidnapped by Fidel Castro (with the blessing and assistance of Bill Clinton and Janet Reno) is about get a seat in Castrogonia’s fake parliament, where he will be “voting” to approve every piece of legislation written by the oligarchs of Castro, Inc.

Naturally, the Ministry of Truth has honed in on Elián, soliciting his opinion and publishing his inspirational and robotic Castrobabble. Yesterday he was quoted as saying that his voting will be personally directed by Fidel’s spirit. Apparently — much like Jesus Christ said to his disciples (Matthew 28:20) — Fidel has said to Elián “I willl be with you always, even unto the end of the world.”

If the Ministry of Truth does indeed begin to publish inspirational statements from Elián, historians in the future will have a treasure trove of religious sentiments to examine. The boy’s worship of Fidel is so unconditional and ecstatic that it makes the devotion of devout monks and nuns look shallow in comparison.

Lord have mercy. The poor boy seems possessed. He needs one of those voodoo cleansing rituals that Cubans call un despojo.

[That poor kiddo. Yet another thing to never forgive Clinton and Janet Reno for. ~ Beege]