In defense of pregnancy

But pregnancy is wondrous. You are never alone. Your body has a wisdom and logic of its own. It knows to secrete hormones to loosen your joints and if you give birth to a preemie, your milk will be specially formulated for a preterm infant’s needs. It’s really quite awe-inspiring.

In many respects, life is easier for men than women, but the ability to carry a child is an incomparable gift that I wouldn’t have traded for all the strength and self-esteem that are so predominant in men. The sense of partnership with nature or God in bringing a new human being into the world is profoundly moving. My senses were more acute—from smell to taste to hearing. Food has never tasted so good and all of my nerve endings vibrated with special potency. Sometimes that could be embarrassing—as when I had to leave the musical Miss Saigon at intermission because the theme of losing a child was too overwhelming and I was weeping uncontrollably. Pregnancy is also weird. They say that food cravings are nature’s way of ensuring that women get balanced nutrition. I doubt that. I couldn’t stand broccoli while pregnant but would practically dive across a restaurant table to get at an innocent stranger’s French fries.

Most people, very much including most women, want children. In fact, polls consistently find that people desire more children than they wind up having. There are a variety of reasons for this (one study found that car seat regulations for older kids actually depress family size), but the cost of child care and college factor in. And many Americans have the mistaken impression that they will be fertile into their forties. In fact, egg quality starts to decline at age 32 and declines sharply after age 37. Nearly all of those women you see profiled having their first babies in their forties and even fifties are using assisted reproduction and donor eggs. More people need to understand the implacability of the biological clock. A Harris poll found that 39 percent of women 35 and older who were attempting pregnancy said they would have started at younger ages if they’d been aware of declining fertility.