The most galling thing about these freshly minted queer heterosexuals is that they’re basing their personas on lazy lies and ancient jokes. They wear eyeliner, they swish about, they hang around in dark corners committing unspeakable acts, they’re so tragic and complex and interesting! One is reminded of Lou Reed’s 1977 song ‘I Wanna Be Black’, in which the narrator wails ‘I don’t wanna be a fucked-up middle-class college student any more’, and then proceeds to list the most grotesque stereotypes of what he imagines black people to be.

For the queer heterosexual, queerness is a deliciously decadent flavour, a cosplay of the culture created by Western lesbians, gay men and bisexuals when they lived with fear and shame (as many around the world still do). It says that LGB people are exotic, sparkly, fascinating, when in fact homosexuals and bisexuals, just like heterosexuals, are every kind of people, and campaigned for decades for the right to be left alone, to be humdrum. Anybody who thinks homosexuals are inherently witty, effervescent and politically exciting obviously never went to the Magnum bar in Southampton in 1991.