Have we forgotten how to forgive?

Penalizing people who express remorse creates all the wrong incentives, but it is emblematic of our unforgiving age. The late Jonathan Sacks, the former chief rabbi of the United Kingdom, once said that society has two ways to deal with transgression: forgetfulness and forgiveness. In a forgetfulness culture, we eventually move past the misdeed as it recedes in memory. In a forgiveness culture, we offer a path for rehabilitation through the demonstration of genuine contrition. But today, thanks to the internet’s permanent preservation of our offenses, we cannot forget. And thanks to the insatiable disciplinary demands of our censorious social media, we cannot forgive.

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It’s understandable why forgiveness has fallen out of fashion. For years, powerful people have abused the idea, issuing insincere apologies that effectively replace accountability with cheap grace. But a society that cannot forget and cannot forgive is one that cannot function. A community in which people cannot set aside their grievances is one that will be forever hostage to them. And a person who is provided no path to growth and change is one who will never reach their potential.

My father, a synagogue rabbi and lifelong educator, likes to say that people expand to fill the moral space we expect of them. These days, though, we are doing the opposite. As a society, especially online, we increasingly expect less and less of each other, and compete to fulfill each other’s most mediocre expectations. So much of our online discourse revolves around assuming the worst of people, reducing them to their lowest moment or tweet, and foreclosing the possibility that anyone can become better. But ask yourself: Does anyone really want to live like this? Does anyone want to be treated like this?

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