But much of the unhappiness engendered by “social” media doesn’t come from its poisonous effect on society. It comes from its poisonous effect on us. Other people’s beautifully curated Facebook and Instagram posts are no closer to real life than reality TV is, and maybe we even know it, but it still makes us feel bad. “I don’t know very many people that come away from 30 minutes on Instagram feeling really good about who they are,” the designer and podcaster Debbie Millman told Kara Swisher last week in an interview on Sway.

No wonder loneliness is an epidemic now, and the loneliness of the 21st century isn’t like the loneliness of the 20th. Now it’s exacerbated by however many hundred — or thousands — of “friends” we have online. All Valentine’s Day long, it’s love notes and jewelry and heart-bedazzled pajamagrams. All day long, it’s candlelight and candy and flowers thrust under our noses. Don’t they smell divine?

Romantic love is a beautiful thing, but it is not the only way to feel connected, to feel seen, to feel loved. It’s not even the most important way to feel those things. The fullest happiness comes from a community — a real community of real people. Whether or not that community includes a partner, it definitely doesn’t arise from an online platform that sows discord and sorrow, an algorithm that only deepens human despair.