Too close for comfort: The pitfalls of parasocial relationships

I’d fallen victim to the consequences of a parasocial relationship. The term describes people forming intense – and crucially, one-sided – attachments to celebrities or public figures. I’ve seen that word, “parasocial”, used on social media to describe everything from speculation around Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck’s surprise reunion, to Taylor Swift fans’ feverish discussion of her relationship with ex-boyfriend Jake Gyllenhaal. Unsurprisingly, during the pandemic these sorts of relationships have assumed heightened importance. For many of us, periodically trapped at home and unable to socialise, our favourite creators and media personalities have stepped into the breach left by our real-life friends. We feel as if we know these people and, indeed, we sort of do – we know how old they were when they had their first kiss, and how long it took them to get over their last break-up, what their bathrooms look like perhaps, and where they’re going on holiday next month. We feel like we’re sort of friends, or would be friends given the opportunity…

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“I think sometimes people with larger platforms or audiences have a level of protection,” says the actor Evanna Lynch, who rose to fame playing Luna Lovegood in the Harry Potter movies, and who says the messages she receives from fans are often prefaced with the assumption that she’ll never actually see them. “When you have a smaller, more intimate audience, I think people do expect a reply, and they feel like you’re very close.” This is the paradox of low-level fame – the kind bestowed on popular podcast hosts or minor media personalities; people who have a public profile, but are still “normal” enough for their followers to assume a degree of kinship.

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