I’ve been first in line for each new variant. I’m a COVID nerd, collecting each new edition. I gotta catch ’em all. I’m one of those guys in the lawn chairs outside of the Apple Store every time a new iPhone drops. I’ve punched each hole on the variant punch card: Omicron, Delta, and original flavor. Coronavirus 3: The Sickening.

I know this is no laughing matter. People I know have died, or nearly died, from COVID. I am lucky I am not immunocompromised. I am lucky to have access to doctors, resources, and a support system. I don’t have asthma. I’m lucky I have enough breath to laugh at all.

“Wow, that is brutal, I’m so sorry,” Dr. Deepta Bhattacharya, a professor of immunobiology at the University of Arizona College of Medicine, said to me after I told him about my situation. “But boy, I would love to get some blood samples from you.”