Go to any conservative party, from the innermost think tanks in D.C. to rural Virginia, and you’ll have a grand old time. Nobody cares if you’re vaccinated or wearing a mask. Nobody cares if you’re drunk as a skunk or abstinent. The only social rule is that which all of Hollywood seemed to ignore for 30 years: Lay your hand on another man’s woman, and you’ll get a shiner.

But Democrats these days? Most of their parties are like The Man Who Was Thursday, with everyone (rightly) terrified of getting canceled. Cinco de Mayo festivities constitute cultural appropriation. Halloween parties feature offensive costumes. “Merry Christmas” is cis-hetero-Christian normative. Your whiteness is evil.

The lazy politico will often invoke the “beer versus wine track” of assessing presidential races, but it’s a lazy trope for a reason. It’s effective, and it’s partially why Joe Biden clocked the largest field of primary opponents in history. It’s also why Democrats lost handily on Tuesday.

I disagree with Glenn Youngkin on gay marriage, but unlike Republicans of decades past, he promised not to do anything to reduce marriage equality. I could grab a beer with him. Who the hell would want to share a beverage of any kind with Randi Weingarten or Terry McAuliffe?