When she finally decided to quit Q, it was less about her actual beliefs changing than it was about a realization that she could no longer live this way. She had been happy once—and now she felt out of control and sad all the time. Her kids seemed listless; her grandmother told her she’d gone “to the loony-tune village.”

When she told the Q community she was signing off, she posted a picture of herself and her kids. “I’m taking a big step back,” she wrote. “I am realizing that I’m not focusing on what is important in front of me.” She said that some followers urged her to stay, but overall, “the community was really supportive. I mean, a lot of people even messaged me and were like, ‘We’re doing it too.’”

Ceally expected to feel better almost immediately, but after detoxing from social media for a month, she sank into a deep depression. What’s the point of living? she thought to herself. It was like her entire purpose had dissolved. It took her another several months to recognize that she needed help. That she couldn’t just quit her entire worldview without having something to replace it—or at least someone to talk to, someone who wouldn’t try to “throw their ideas onto me,” as she puts it.

Ceally had been taught by Q to mistrust therapists.