And we can’t possibly discuss the harm porn does to women without discussing the harm it does to young men. It’s way too simplistic to say that porn makes men abusers. Millions upon millions of men consume porn without abusing anyone. But can porn harm men? Yes, absolutely.

In 2016, Time published a lengthy story describing how long-term porn use was destroying the ability of young men to form relationships in the real-world. At the extremes, they said porn use had destroyed even their ability to have sexual intercourse. They were aroused only by images on a screen.

Yet focusing on the negative effects on sexual relationships is only one piece of the puzzle. I’ve described porn use as often creating a reverse character formation for young men. In my 52 years on this earth I’ve encountered a multitude of parenting styles, but I’ve never encountered a parent—progressive or conservative, secular or religious—who wants their young son watching porn. No one hands their kid a smartphone and says, “Well, if you’re going to watch porn, I recommend Pornhub.”

So what happens? Kids deceive their parents. They sneak around online. They find ways to conceal their behavior. And so it’s not just that the young boy watching porn is often harmed by what he sees, he’s damaged by his own deceptions. He learns how to lie well.