I have not been in any particular physical danger. Thinking about ending one’s life can be an understandable coping mechanism to survive adverse conditions, such as living alone through a pandemic and going without touch or indoor companionship for months on end. I have a good therapist, and my ideas about suicide never progressed beyond thoughts towards making any plans to actually go through with it. The “logic” to these thoughts happened in a cycle like this. After eating 21 meals alone week, week after week, I craved being close to other people. But if I gave in to such urges, I feared, based on a no-risk mentality, that I might unwittingly set off a COVID infection chain that would kill people. Feeling like I couldn’t take another 21, 42, 63 or 84 meals alone, I’d think to myself at times, “Well, if you’ve got to kill someone, it might as well be you, Steven.”