Vladimir the poisoner of underpants

Then something truly terrifying happened … I participated in the investigation of my own poisoning, and we showed and proved, that it was Putin who, using Russia’s Federal Security Service, exercised this attempted murder. … And that’s driving this thieving little man in his bunker out of his mind. The fact that it all came to light.

There’s no popularity ratings. No massive support. There’s none of that. Because it turns out that dealing with a political opponent who has no access to television and no political party merely requires trying to kill him with a chemical weapon. So, of course, he’s losing his mind over this. Because everyone was convinced that he’s just a petty bureaucrat who was accidentally appointed to his position.

He’s never participated in any debates or campaigned in an election. Murder is the only way he knows how to fight. … He’ll go down in history as nothing but a poisoner. We all remember Alexander the Liberator [Alexander II] and Yaroslav the Wise [Yaroslav I]. Well, now we’ll have Vladimir the Poisoner of Underpants — that’s how he will go down in history. …