The terrible dangers of weaponized soup

The president, sound in mind and body, is continuing to tell us important things that are worth knowing. Most recently, he wants us to know that soup is a dangerous weapon.

“And you have people coming over with bags of soup — big bags of soup,” he said. “And they lay it on the ground, and the anarchists take it and they start throwing it at our cops, at our police. And if it hits you, that’s worse than a brick because that’s got force. It’s the perfect size. It’s, like, made perfect. And when they get caught, they say, ‘No, this is just soup for my family. And the media says, ‘This is just soup.’”

This is not just soup. Soup is a very dangerous substance. For instance, some soup is very hot. Alphabet soup can spell ANTIFA.

Every soup, in fact, has something threatening about it. Vichyssoise collaborated. Chowder is menacing because in Boston it ends in “AH!,” the sound you make when surprised or terrified. Avgolemono? Avgolem — OH, NO! If you are Donald Trump, you love your base; you are against anyone who would try to bouillabaisse.