Early on, a regretful American identified only as Eric (avoid that pitchfork mob, Eric!) spoke to us from what looked like a safe room, clutching what looked like a cocktail, as he apologized for voting for Trump. Eric informed us that unlike Trump, Biden has a platform, which includes “unity.”

It was the night’s only moment of comedy.

They say politics is Hollywood for homely people. How better to hammer this home than this virtual convention, seeing our elected officials sitting in drab settings: the kitchen Senator Catherine Cortez Mastro gave her address from is something even the poorest “House Hunters” couple wouldn’t countenance (those white appliances!). Or Kirsten Gillibrand’s sad, spartan office-slash-sunroom — where’s the pageantry? The optics? Just what are these pols spending their lobbyist money on?