The politics created by nonsmokers is another great reason to pick up a cigarette. The idea that politics is downstream of culture is generally correct. As our culture became less welcoming to smokers – casting them out into the unforgiving cold for the crime of inhaling tobacco, our politics became less welcoming to those on the other side of the aisle. Once upon a time, the Speaker of the House made deals in smoke-filled back rooms with the president, resulting in a more productive government for us all that had positive results for the American people. Backroom deals made a number of political initiatives possible, and while that smoke had nothing to do with picking a new Pope, it had everything to do with RJ Reynolds.

Finally, smoking acts as a cultural equalizer – everyone outside the bar or coffee shop is looked down upon equally. There are not many parts of our society that we can call unsegregated. However, the community forced outside of any establishment is a good example. Smokers comprise people from all walks and worlds – rich, poor, young, old, white, black — all brought together by the flick of a Bic and the puff of a Red (or in the Gipper’s case, a Chesterfield). People deserve this kind of society and community, and it’ll never exist with vapers. There’s no time to appreciate the community made strong by the wisps of smoke and conversation that curl into a frigid December night, or dew-kissed summer evenings, when you’re blowing fruit flavored clouds big enough to signal the return of Typhon and Echidna.