Men have no friends and women bear the burden

Johnson’s not alone. The persistent idea that seeking therapy is a form of weakness has produced a generation of men suffering from symptoms like anger, irritability, and aggressiveness, because not only are they less likely than women to pursue mental health help, but once they do, they have a hard time expressing their emotions. (This is so common there’s even a technical term for it: “normative male alexithymia.”) For millennial men in particular, a major challenge is understanding they need help in the first place. “Men have never been taught how to identify what their emotional needs are, their thoughts and feelings, or to express how someone can help them fulfill these,” explains Dr. Angela Beard, a clinical psychologist at the Veterans Affairs in Dallas, Texas. Forced to question long-held masculine ideals, therapy can be a meaningful and transformative process, even for her most reluctant patients. “No one has ever asked them what masculinity means to them, and they’ve never asked themselves,” says Beard. “They can get a lot of insight from this process.”

But individual therapy—which can cost upwards of $200 per session and is rarely covered by insurance—isn’t financially viable for everyone. Group therapy is an accessible alternative (ranging from $50-$75 per session), but the practice faces added stigma because of its association with inpatient psychiatric hospitals and rehab facilities, as well as court-ordered treatments for anger, domestic violence, sex offenses, and substance abuse. “A lot of people, men and women both, have this stereotype of group therapy from movies like Adam Sandler’s Anger Management, where everyone is sitting in a circle crying and one person is telling their life story and it’s really awkward. But group therapy can be nothing like that,” explains Beard, who leads various group therapy sessions. When newer men join the group, she explains, the tenured members often normalize therapy for them, explaining that it’s a safe place to discuss deeply personal feelings. “These military men, some with combat trauma, experience great relief in having their needs validated by peers. Members become comfortable enough to share their honest impression of another member, opening the door to interpersonal feedback that they may never hear elsewhere.”