There are two Americas, and it seems like one is where all the cool jobs are, where people drive Teslas and eat artisanal ice cream. We have orchestras, theater districts, world-class shopping. We have chef Wolfgang Puck, they have Chef Boyardee. Our roofs have solar panels, theirs have last year’s Christmas lights. We’ve got legal bud, they’ve got Budweiser. We have anal bleaching, they have Congressman Steve King. The flyover states have become the passed over states. That’s why red state voters are so pissed off.

They don’t hate us, they want to be us. They want to go to the party. It’s like we’re the British royal family and they’re Meghan Markle’s dad.

How do I know this? Because 238 cities and regions submitted proposals to Amazon for the company to locate in their area. All desperate for jobs that don’t involve guarding prisoners or murdering chickens.