For example, let’s say that you are a star comedian. Your last five films have been box office successes. Your most recent stand-up outing was voted one of the 350 best comedy specials released by Netflix in the second week of June. As your reward, you’ve just been tapped to host the 91st Academy Awards.

But then 11 inconsequential people on Twitter discover that you made an offensive joke about bisexual Muppets in 1997. Obviously, you are no longer morally fit to host an awards show where hordes of adulterers give trophies to fugitive pedophiles and serial rapists. Clearly your career must grind to a halt until you have been sufficiently rebuked by your fellow progressives.

Fortunately, that rebuke is now available to you via the Cathedral of Blessed Wokery, and in particular, via a ceremony of that church known as the Rite of Perpetual Confession.