Thank you, Elf on the Shelf, for making my kids behave

With Elfie’s help, I reckon my husband and I squeeze about a month of improved conduct from our brood. Come late November, coats and shoes are miraculously placed in closets rather than flung on the floor. And everyone’s desperate to help their sibling load the dishwasher, all in full view of our adorable in-house spy.

Adding an Elf on the Shelf to the Yuletide build-up has felt like a very natural upping of the ante. Traditionally, we begin to make Christmas-themed threats in March and they only taper off in late January. We use our kids’ fear of losing Santa’s offerings right up until the point when they depreciate into a sad heap of warped plastic. And we feel little to no guilt about doing so.

Elf on the Shelf may only be 13, but the way I see it, it’s the continuation of a distinguished historical tradition. Mainland European parents have been using Christmas folklore to terrify kids for centuries (see: Krampus), so why not, belatedly, take a delicious slice of the fear pie for ourselves? I can tell you now that if the toy department of big box store ever tries to woo me with a Christmassy half-demon, half-goat and the promise of well-behaved kids, I’ll bite.