I’d told him some of my stories about harassment, but when the Harvey Weinstein stuff started coming out, I told him more. I know he feels bad about the things I’ve been through. It’s more a global understanding he lacks. With #MeToo, for example, my feeling was, Let them all go down. He said, “You see no gray area in this?” And I said, “I don’t.” But he went to private school in New York City and then to Yale. There’s been a certain ease through life that I haven’t had. I grew up upper-middle class, so I’m not someone who was fighting their way through life, but I also went to an anti-Semitic public high school in Pittsburgh where I was called “kike.” I think that fans the flames of rage. Though I should add he takes my constant rage with a sense of humor. If he took it personally, he’d probably be reduced to a little nub.

With Brett Kavanaugh, the first thing he said about him, before any of the allegations, was that they were once on a panel at some alumni thing and that he seemed like a nice guy, which of course started a fight. I said, “A nice guy based on what?” Everyone is a nice guy. And then at first, when Dr. Ford came forward, his reaction had an element of “boys will be boys” and, you know, “it was 30-something years ago.” Even after Debbie Ramirez came forward, he was like, “Do you still think he could change after college?” I was like, “No.” At each stage, he’s had to reassess his feelings. And at each stage we have yet another argument.

Part of what causes fights is that I don’t want to hear his side, and he hates that. Mostly I tell him he needs to think about this more clearly before he talks to me about it, and then I walk away. I’ve heard his side for 30 years. I’m ready to hear new points of view. Change can’t happen if we keep talking about excusing behavior.