Why Condoleezza Rice should coach the Cleveland Browns

Now, the Browns have already denied this extremely weird and also probably-100-percent-true report, and Condi herself has said she is not interested, although she thinks women should be considered for NFL coaching positions (she’s right about that, at least, although floating her name as a novelty certainly isn’t helping any of the women who are actually trying to do this).

But I beg them to reconsider. There is so much good to be done in Condi pursuing Super Bowl glory with a hideous football team. She would be a target of scrutiny for the national and local football media. Dozens of columns, not unlike this one, would be written by blowhards, not unlike me, about how she was wildly unqualified for the position. Every decision she made would be scrutinized and dismantled, game after game. Even the slightest mistake would feed several days of talking-head chatter on any number of sports networks, radio shows, podcasts, day-drunk conversations in bars, whatever medium for sports whining you can possibly imagine.