Now, it’s not that people are using “relax” wrong, not technically anyway. Relax has several meanings, as do most English words. There’s “to make less tense or rigid,” “to make less severe or stringent,” “to deprive of energy, zeal, or strength of purpose,” “to relieve from nervous tension,” and “to treat (hair) chemically in order to relax curls.” Any one of the first three meanings is what’s usually getting thrown at you when a stranger tells you to relax after you get slightly annoyed that he bumped into you. It’s not that he wants you to feel better. He instead wants to make you “less severe and stringent” and to deprive you of your strength of purpose.

No can do, pal. Yes, a loved one may say “relax” (tone is important!), especially when paired with a shoulder rub, or perhaps a gift card for a spa treatment. But a stranger can’t tell you to relax when what they’re actually saying is “stop making my problem your problem, even though I’ve made it your problem in the first place.”