In the Imaginary Constitution dreamed up by progressives, with all of its enticing penumbrae of doubt and mystery, there is an established right to privacy, which somehow means the right to an abortion. In the Imaginary Constitution, the First Amendment concludes with the parenthetical phrase “(except for hate speech and political speech funded by corporations).” In the Imaginary Constitution the phrase “a well-regulated militia” doesn’t simply explain why the right to bear arms is necessary; it’s meant to give government the power to remove that right by excluding citizens from a militia in the first place.

The Supreme Court has been a Telenovela-style source of intrigue and excitement going back to Roe v. Wade and then some. What nutty logic would Harry Blackmun indulge in? How would Justice O’Connor’s simpering urge to please everybody play out? Which side did Justice Kennedy feel was being bullied? Awaiting the end-of-term decisions each summer became a magical mystery tour, each year adding another dazzling new episode of fantasy and drama. Perhaps the Supremes would tell us that a requirement to purchase health insurance was instead a “tax.” Maybe preferential treatment on the basis of race is unconstitutional if you call it a “quota” but constitutional if you call it “enhancing diversity.” Maybe gay marriage is “deeply rooted in this Nation’s history and tradition” and is thus guaranteed by the due-process clause. The end-of-term shenanigans took on the same implied motto that the New York State lottery used to employ: Hey, you never know.