People say the movie industry has lost its way and alienated its audience, but I’m super-excited about the future of movies, especially in light of Tinseltown’s current trend towards goose-stepping leftist conformity! How can that go wrong?

From fussy fascist fatties like Lena Dunham listening in to stewardesses’ private chats, to withered crones like Chelsea Handler wishing we too could arrest Chinese tourists for goofing on Hitler like the Germans do – apparently there’s no one else in Germany who needs arresting – it’s becoming clear that free-speech and free thoughts are things of the past! Sure, you could Google “free speech,” but the result will probably come back with a link to a long lecture about how your penis makes you bad. Remember, diverse conformity is strength or something.

Well, Hollywood is totally onboard with these trends, and with that in mind, we have plenty to look forward to. Just check out these coming attractions!