Last night, Michelle Obama was the honored guest of the annual ESPY awards. Naturally, the media collective was head over heels with praise and admiration.

At the Sacramento Bee, Brian Blomster had what can only be described as a literary orgasm. Obama, he said, “wowed attendees” with a “black Cushnie et Ochs dress that was all curves and slashes.” According to Blomster’s reporting, Obama “gave the evening a markedly high-fashion feel.”

In tune, USA Today remarked, “Civilian life looks good on Michelle Obama. If Barack Obama is America’s ex-boyfriend, the former first lady is this country’s one that got away.” (Incidentally, I find it quite odd that some Americans sexualize our politicians. Obama is the “ex-boyfriend” and for some Trump fans, the president is “daddy.” Anyway. …)

At the Huffington Post, Ron Dicker doubled down, declaring, Michelle Obama “is still in charge.” Dicker continued, “The former fab FLOTUS also got props for slaying in a cutout dress by Cushnie et Ochs.”